(Apologies in advance to my friends and Metallica fans who will read this. Metallica can be/do whatever they want, and if you still love them, great. This is only about how they don’t work for me anymore.)

So, I used to be a pretty big Metallica fan. A third or more of the t-shirts in my closet say Metallica. The front plate on my car still says Metallica (’cause I are too lazy to take it off). They were my number one band from 1991 to 2005 or so.

In recent years, though, they’ve been changing…and I’ve been changing, and the music industry has been changing…

Maybe mostly I’ve been changing. Blame it on the bands I’ve been getting into (or in the case of NIN and Marilyn Manson, back into). They’re a whole different experience from the Metallica machine, something that was never more evident to me than when I watched the trailer for Metallica’s new “Mission Metallica” website recently.

“One of the best selling bands of all time. 100 million albums sold. Gold or platinum in over 40 countries. 7 grammys. Since 2000, Metallica album catalog sales are second only to one band…. The Beatles. (And that’s not a bad band to follow!) Their songs are the MOST REQUESTED…for both Guitar Here and Rockband. Since 1990 Metallica are one of the top 5 touring acts in the world. Metallica have played sold out shows in all 50 states and in over 50 countries to more than 30 million people. They’re the #1 artist at rock radio by far. 5% of ALL airplay consists of Metallica songs!” (Mission Metallica trailer)

Maybe that sort of thing fires up some fans, but there’s nothing in all of that that makes me feel happy in my pants. DON’T BREAK YOUR ARMS PATTING YOURSELVES ON THE BACK, GUYS!

I’ve got Janet Jackson in my head, and she’s singing “What have you done for me lately?” Because that’s how I feel. “Yadda yadda yadda who cares, where’s the new music and shit?”

So the trailer didn’t do much for me, but I hit the website anyway, where I discovered that you can get access to some of the goodies coming to Mission Metallica for free. OR you can get more and better access, with other bennies, if you pay them money. I’m guessing this is separate from the money you pay to be in MetClub (which, as far as fan clubs go, is actually a pretty decent one).

This just looks like “squeeze more money out of our faithful fans” bullshit, and call me spoiled by Trent Reznor, but I’m just not cool with it.

How about this for a good “squeeze money out of our fans” plan: PUT OUT FUCKING MUSIC.

I’ve been keeping this sort of silly scorecard in my head for over a year now—Trent Reznor vs. James Hetfield. It works for me because they both checked into rehab in July 2001, so what happened after that?

¹ Including dates scheduled for later this year.

If St. Anger had been some amazing, HOLY SHIT! album, then at least I could say, “Quality, not quantity!” but any of NIN’s releases was equal to—and often better than—that effort, which as of next month is five years old. Damn, Metallica!

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, just to add another comparison in here, who have also had a band member in rehab and, like Metallica, found themselves at a point where they weren’t sure there was even going to be a band anymore, will have done 616 performances between September 2001 and September 2008, and possibly more than that—there are some August ‘08 dates I think might still be added. They’ve also put out four full-length albums and four EPs in that time. They keep getting dropped by record labels, but still manage to pull this shit off.

Message to Metallica: get the lead out. This ain’t your daddy’s music business anymore, yo.